Punching the fear in the face!
or the story about one simple event which helped me overcome my fears
I’ve encountered a dog today. You know, it was supposed to be a regular throw-a-garbage trip downstairs. Somehow, it became a self-awareness road trip down memory lane. It’s funny how the most simple things trigger our deepest fears, buried with so much patience ages ago. I guess that faking it until you actually start making it, doesn’t always make sense. Let’s be honest, does it EVER happens?
Like any other day, I’ve collected my garbage with the intention to throw it away. While going downstairs and balancing the heavy bag in my hand, I was so focused on my to-do list and what I needed to do next. In the next moment, out of nowhere, there was a dog in front of me. It got me on the wrong foot, I didn’t have enough time to get ready for that, so my hidden fear overtook the spotlight. I screamed. Not loud, not for long, not hysterically. My palms got sweaty. My heart started to rush like a crazy one. And one more time, I was overpowered by my panic.
I’ve spotted a dog today.
It wasn’t a pleasant experience for me. I’ve literally relived all of my previous bad encounters. With a major difference that this time, I finally understood why is that happening. Like with any other traumas, the process of healing is not simple, and definitely not quick and easy. We need to accept them. It is what it is, there is no need to push our buttons further only because we don’t like it. They wouldn’t be called traumas if they were the most wonderful thing that we ever experienced. And of course, this is much easier to say, than to do. On the other hand, it is utterly pointless to force all that victimhood chic. I mean, it is easier, it is comforting, but it definitely isn’t a road to growth on which we should drive.
I’ve met a dog today, and it finally helped me understand my dog-fear-trigger.
After running away in panic, and calming the nerves afterward I forced myself to dig into it. When I was a child one dog tried to attack me. No serious injuries happened, because there were parents around who moved it from me. As a consequence, I became afraid of every encounter with them. And to be honest, I never believed them anymore. Years passed by, and in one moment I’ve decided that I must not showcase my reactions anymore. That was the moment when I’ve embraced the fake-it-until-you-make-it idea. Honestly, it takes too much energy, nerves, and even more practice. But for me, at that point, it felt like the only way out of my self-proposed not-so-polite mad reactions.
I’ve bumped into a dog today.
While reconnecting the dots in the safety of the apartment, I finally pushed myself to the limits. Forced me to comprehend the reasoning behind my flight a few moments ago. I drilled into my mind with four why-s. Why I reacted that way? Why I was in a panic? Why I was afraid? Why I felt helpless? As you can see, the pattern is to do the why of every previous answer, until you come to the starting point. It is an amazing procedure, which actually helped me on a lot of different tech and business occasions. And now it proved itself to be a great fit for internal analysis too. I was finally able to understand the reasoning behind my trauma. All the puzzles were finally there. All the puzzles were finally making a clear picture.
Tonight, I’ve encountered a dog again.
I wanted to go out and do groceries. The weather was nice. Everything was okay again. My mood was great. Grabbing a building door, opening them, grasping the fresh air, I’ve realized that I’m not alone in the parking lot. Two meters from me, there was an object of my recent sanity check. And, truth to be told, I’ve finally realized one important point. Life is not a straight line. It isn’t the circle either. It is a spiral. We constantly come back to things that happened to us before and see deeper truths. In a heartbeat everything set in its place, and for the first time ever my first reaction wasn’t to run away. I smiled and went to do business which was a reason for my going out. The dog was waving its tail, I guess smiling in its own way, and waiting for his owners to bring him food.
To sum up…
Coming to a piece with our fears is never easy. In a lot of cases, only because this process means opening Pandora’s box. But, you know, even in the worst chaos, there is a certain order and logic. And by engaging ourselves to comprehend the roots of our fears, we are creating a logical order for ourselves in all that chaos. The key here is the decision to start it, and then persistence to do it.
- Embrace the power of acceptance! Don’t forget that through it, we’re giving ourselves a chance to grow.
- Drill into yourself, until you understand the initial point! The only way to truly be in charge of our reactions is to deeply understand our triggers and procedures.
- Evolve, and overcome! Because only then, our fears and traumas stop having power over us.
